I applied to transfer. It feels good to say that out loud…I applied to UPenn because, as of last semester, I wanted to get the hell out of BU. I wasn’t happy here, and the only reason I stayed was because of my friends and my lack of self confidence - I just assumed nowhere else would accept me. Then I got an officer position and a big and a little and my new job, and that changed.
At first, I was applying to schools equal to or right above BU (Lehigh, Nova, NYU, etc.) all of which I had already been accepted to as a senior so I figured I would get in to all/most of them again. But when things started to improve I cut that number down to one. Just Penn. Because honestly I should have gone to school there in the first place. I strongly believe that I would have gotten in to Penn out of high school..I mean, I got in to Cornell and wait listed at Harvard. It would have been perfect. I love it there. The people, the atmosphere, their neuro program, everything. My boyfriend would be there..But I didn’t apply because high school me assumed that no college in their right mind would accept me.
Obviously, though, I didn’t apply and ended up choosing, against my better judgement, BU. Choosing to come to BU is both the best and worst decision I’ve ever made. At BU, I’m far from home, I only see my boyfriend once every two months, the grade deflation is ridiculous, there’s no football team, it’s constantly feels like I’m in a battle against the university rather than working with them towards a successful partnership, and Greek Life isn’t fully supported. But I like it here. I like it here and that sucks. I wish I hated it, I wish it was easy for me to leave. I would have left freshman year without thinking twice, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Maybe that’s because my group of friends quickly became the best friends I’ve ever had (not an exaggeration) and then I rowed and joined a sorority and the community service center, and now I’m just stuck. Stuck because I like it too damn much and I have too much going for me.
In the past few weeks, I started to get worried that I would get in to Penn and then have to choose between everything that’s happening here, and the life that I could have there. Sure it’s an Ivy League school, but I have so much going for me at BU. I was nervous that I would have to try to recreate all of that in only two years. But I got wait listed so I’m staying. I’m staying at BU and I can just relax and be happy and not have to think about saying goodbye to my friends and my life and the things I’ve worked so hard for.
I didn’t get in and I’m ok with it.
Now, despite the fact that I’m still enduring the hell that is finals week(s), I can’t help but be happy. Not happy…content. I’m content with where I am in my life. I’m getting dinner with our lineage today, there’s only one final left, and then I get to hang out with my roommate while we get drunk at noon and pack all of our shit. I’m going to a Sox game with Little and her dad tomorrow night, and the next morning I’m going home. I get to see my boyfriend and my little sister and my gramma and it’s been three months since I’ve seen them. And I can finally be excited about all of the plans I have for next year. Now I don’t have to say goodbye to my Little, who has surprisingly become one of my best friends (surprisingly only because we had never met before we got paired) and I can go to gymnastics with her and not have to have this constant guilt whenever I see her because there’s no possibility I might leave. I’m a program manager and can’t wait to get more involved in the CSC. I’ll go on ASB in the spring and maybe even be the PM for FYSOP or ASB the year after that. I’ll be rewriting the chapter policies, a part of membership selection committee at formal recruitment next January, and I’m pretty sure I want to get myself slated for President. Wait no, I’m sure. I want that.
I want this.